100 Practices for Great Relationships

And How to Grow It

When we conducted our study, Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Truths from Real Couples about Lasting Love, these are the practices that respondents told us had helped them to grow their exemplary relationships. As you read through the list, assess your own strengths and growing edge. Congratulate yourself for the areas where you shine. This list will assist you in identifying where work is still required to become eligible for a great relationship.

1. Cultivating vision by asking yourself, “What’s possible here?”

2. Risking to growing courage.

3. Showing up for what's happening

4. Accepting and surrendering to what is.

5. Staying on top of incompletions.

6. Being flexible

7. Distinguish truth from imagination

8. Letting go of guilt

9. Being a gracious receiver

10. Creating a community of support

11. Practicing gratitude, especially when you’re resentful or feeling self-pity

12. Practicing compassion for yourself and others

13. Being open

14. Having trusting relationships with others who can see what you can't

15. Telling the truth

16. Refusing to lie and refusing to lie to yourself

17. Practicing patience when we are tired of waiting

18. Checking in with yourself and with your partner

19. Setting boundaries

20. Not withholding love

21. Being willingness to feel pain

22. Giving and loving abundantly

23. Living with authenticity

24. Willingness to feel

25. Letting others know how you feel

26. Acknowledging vulnerability, fears, needs, and desires

27. Dis-identifying with the ego/body

28. Taking comfort wherever you find it

29. Creating work that you love and that heals you

30. Being involved with your kids' friends

31. Outgrowing the need for others' approval

32. Not taking on others' projections

33. Practicing acceptance of the little pains and losses

34. Using all experiences in life to deepen spiritual practice

35. Staying current and complete with everyone in your life

36. Trusting the truth of your experience

37. Refusing to accept a victim identity

38. Taking responsibility for everything in your life

39. Refusing to engage in blame of self or others

40. Staying away from bad therapists

41. Staying out of the mainstream

42. Making space for the dark shadow to include your craziness, weakness, helplessness, vulnerability, hatred, ignorance, and prejudice

43.Taking care of your body

44. Cultivating self-acceptance

45. Practicing humility

46. Knowing how to replenish and refuel and do it!

47. Trusting your body not your mind

48. Knowing what feels right and going after it

49. Continuing to give no matter what

50. Working if you can; if you can't, don't

51. Doing whatever it takes to get you through the night

52. Practicing generosity of spirit

53. Finding something to be grateful for always

54. Accepting love from others even if you doubt you are deserving

55. Avoiding comparisons

56. Reducing attachments to preferences

57. Finding the teachings and blessings in everything

58. Saying "yes" to everything life brings you

59. Living in such a way as to be worthy of trust and respect

60. Participating fully in grief-work

61. Experiencing feelings through journaling, group-work, therapy, and looking for opportunities to communicate feelings

62. Living with mindfulness, presence, meditation

63. Finding your courage, risk challenging yourself and pressing the edge

64. Going outside of your comfort zone

65. Asking for help

66. Containing feelings (this is not repressing them)

67. Expressing spontaneously

68. Checking in with self and other

69. Stating your intention

70. Taking down-time or soul-time

71. Living a life of service and contribution

72. Committing to compassionate self-care

73. Drawing boundaries

74. Saying “no” without explanation, justification, rationalization or excuses

75. Uncovering and recognizing the fear

76. Making requests

77. Only making agreements you are committed to keeping

78. Going on a “should" fast

79. Only doing what you can do without feeling obligated

80. Doing only what you want to do, rather than acting from a sense of duty or obligation.

81. Playing for no reason other than these activities provide fun

82. Looking at your motives with keen self-examination

83. Witnessing with non-judging awareness

84. Allowing yourself solitude

85. Spending time in nature

86. Forgiving when you’ve been wronged or wronged another.

87. Breathing consciously

88. Strengthening talents

89. Setting goals.

90. Slowing down and examining the fear of slowing down

91. Holding the tension of the opposites

92. Withholding advice unless it is solicited

93. Taking time outs such as, “I need a moment to think about that.”

94. Declining requests and invitations

95. Finding and honoring your own rhythm

96. Practicing non-judgment by going on a "blame" fast.

97. Building strength, both physical and intellectual

98. Discovering the gold in the shadow and befriend it rather than resist it

99. Looking for the growth opportunity in each breakdown

100. Becoming a better/more loving/stronger/ more whole person.